Hey Warriors!
I should write these posts more often, but I am trying to do things a little different this pregnancy; not focusing all of my attention on it, and relaxing a lot more.
So this time, the TWW did not feel like two years. Instead, I was SUPER calm and not anxious at all. I think it's because since it technically stuck the first time, that reassured me. And the first TWW, I was an anxious reck. Every day felt longer than the last, and it was literally killing me; not being able to test, and not knowing, it drove me to have intense anxiety attacks at night. If anyone knows me, they know I like to be in control and know what's going on. I know, I know, probably not the best trait, but it's who I've been my whole life.
But this TWW, I could test, because I didn't have to do a trigger shot the day before that contains the HcG hormone which detects pregnancy. I do think that testing helped me during the TWW, but I honestly think knowing it stuck the first time really did it. And we put two embabies in this time, so our odds were better, and the second time you do an IVF transfer your odds increase. So a lot of things were on my side, and after losing Isaiah, I learned a lot.
IVF Does Not Guarantee A Baby
When I first got the news we were pregnant with Isaiah, I thought FOR SURE I would be having a baby in the next couple of weeks. But boy was I wrong.
Those Two Pink Lines DO NOT Guarantee Baby
The second we got our beta numbers, I tested and got those pink lines, and thought "finally!". Little did I know...
You Can Do Everything Right: Eat Right, Take Your Meds Right, Stay Hydrated, And Still End Up With No Baby
After losing Isaiah, I questioned every little thing I did that pregnancy. I played events over and over again in my head, wondering if it was my fault. But it wasn't. And still isn't.
The point I am trying to make, is that no matter what I do, whether it's getting McDonald's fries after transfer, putting my feet up, keeping my feet warm, and so many more superstitions, it is not up to me. It either happens, or it doesn't. And I was not about to waste any more tears or anxious energy over wondering all of the "what if's" during this TWW.
So I didn't.
And no I am not saying losing Isaiah was meant to be. I wish and pray everyday that I was still carrying him and he was here with us. I am saying, going through a miscarriage and losing my first baby has helped me prepare for our next pregnancy.
The first two days (day of transfer and day after), I had a lot of cramping. I mean, A LOT. I was kinda nervous because with Isaiah, I barely cramped.
Since the cramping, I tested on 4dpt (for those of you that don't know, that means four days post transfer), and I got a very faint positive. I was shocked. I did not expect to get a positive that soon, I just tested out of curiosity. And it was positive. I showed K and he was shocked too.
I continued to test every morning for the next week, with mild cramping here and there. And the lines started getting darker and darker.
Around 9dpt, I got implantation bleeding. With Isaiah, I also got implantation bleeding, but with him I had a lot more fresh-pink/red blood. But this time, I had more of a brownish color, and less. The bleeding did last a couple of days, and only one day with Isaiah.
Also around 9dpt, the first line on the pregnancy test (that shows you're pregnant) started to pull color from the second line, which never happened last time. Apparently that's a good sign, and each day got darker and darker.
Then on Saturday, I started cramping badly again, and got a little nervous. But the following morning, I had an even darker line than all of the tests.
So beta day came, and we got an extremely high beta! We were thrilled when we heard the news, but kinda had a gut feeling, along with a weeks worth of positive tests.
I asked the nurse, since the beta was so high, if both stuck, and she said it's hard to say and we will have to wait and see until our first ultrasound.
I hope my second experience of the TWW helps some of you. And if you are in the same situation, I hope you will be just as relaxed and confident as I was!
baby dust,
s.
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