It was finally the day. The day I've been waiting 2 weeks for, even though it felt more like 2 years, was finally here.
We went to the clinic at 7 am. I wanted the earliest appointment so I would get my results earlier. The car ride seemed the longest its ever been, even though we have driven it about 50 times now.
I went in, got my blood taken, and was soon back at home, waiting for the call.
I fell asleep, because my medications make me sleepy, and woke up seeing the IVF clinic pop up on my phone screen at 11:44am. K heard the ring, ran into the bedroom, and sat on the bed.
I answered, shaking, and a nice young nurse was on the other end. After confirming it was me, she said, "I have some good news for you...." and after that everything went in one ear and out the other.
I looked up at K and we both started bawling tears of joy. We did it. We are going to have a baby.
The nurse was laughing and awing at our excitement, saying the doctor needs to see us in two days for a blood draw and at 5 weeks instead of 6 weeks for an ultrasound because my HcG beta was a little low (99.8).
I went to get my blood drawn like normal two days later. I was really nervous that my numbers wouldn't double, but they did! My beta was now at 219.4. Life was good!
Friday rolled around, and I was confident and excited to see our little baby on the ultrasound. The doctor came in, and he asked me if I've been "feeling pregnant". I said yes, but his face looked concerned. We started the ultrasound, and he confirmed that the sack was located in the right spot (i.e not an ectopic pregnancy). The sack, although located in the correct spot, was smaller than he'd like it to be.
He then began to say that my hormone (HcG/beta) was a little lower than he'd like it to be, which could be the reason the sack is a little smaller. He continued to tell me this could be a sign of a weak pregnancy, in other words, my risk of a miscarriage is higher. I asked him what the odds are, thinking 70/30 or 80/20, but he flat out said it's 50/50, and it all depends on my bloodwork and levels they took that day. My heart fell to the bottom of my stomach, and my eyes began to sting with the warmth of my tears. I thought everything was okay? My numbers were going up, weren't they? The nurse who told us the news made it sound like everything was okay, but the doctor seemed a little concerned.
He assured me not to worry (haha) and that we would know more soon.
The office usually calls me the same day with my blood results, but they didn't, and they were closed for the weekend. So I had to wait the whole weekend, wondering. Wondering whether or not I was pregnant or if I had lost the one thing the size of a sesame seed that consumed my whole heart.
Monday was soon here, and the IVF clinic once again popped up on my phone screen as an incoming call.
The nurse told us that my beta was now at 2557 which was great and that the doctor was happy with that number! Of course I was thrilled, but part of me wonders if my doctor really was happy with the number or if the nurse just assumes it's a good number, not necessarily knowing my situation (each time IVF calls it's a different nurse and I feel like some know our case better than others).
I will call back tomorrow to confirm (they probably are so sick of me at the clinic, but I don't care). I really hope the doctor truly is happy with those numbers.
I have an ultrasound scheduled for this Friday and hoping we can see/hear the heartbeat.
The one true thing that I've learned throughout these two weeks is that just because your first beta is positive does not mean it is smooth sailing here on out. I was so confident, so sure that my pregnancy wouldn't have any concerns just because I had a positive beta. Boy was I wrong.
baby dust,
s.
Patience & positivity ❤️ Mom