“I can’t believe this is my life” vs. “I can’t believe this is my life”

Hi Warriors,

So I have a life update.

And no it's not what you're thinking...

But.....

I got a job.

Scratch that--

I GOT MY DREAM JOB.

My life has completely flipped. Don't get me wrong, I still wanna be a mom to children on earth someday, but wow do I love working.

I love waking up knowing I have a purpose each day.

I love driving into work with coffee in my hand, walking downtown to our office.

I love helping others at my new job.

I love working with actual ADULTS.

Yes of course I loved being a nanny and miss it some days, but if I hear Cocoa Melon one more time I think I might explode.

Which brings me to this post.

Two years ago, after losing baby girl (loss #2), I remember sitting on the toilet, watching the blood of my pregnancy leave my body, saying

I can't believe this is my life

(as depressing as that sounds). But it's true. I couldn't believe I was going through another loss after everything that has happened with Isaiah.

I couldn't believe we were that couple that was struggling to get pregnant.

I couldn't believe I didn't have children yet.

But just the other day, as we were finishing up our weekly Zoom meeting at work, with a smile on my face, I thought to myself

I can't believe this is my life.

I can't believe I am thriving at a job I never thought I'd have.

I can't believe my marriage is better than ever even after everything we have been through.

I can't believe I am feeling fulfilled even without children by my side.

I can't believe I'm happy.

Like genuinely happy.

After each loss, I always worried I wouldn't be happy in life without children. I always thought I was meant to be a mom currently where I'm at in life.

Maybe I was wrong.

Maybe I am meant to be a working mom. Maybe I needed to find my dream job before becoming a mom.

What I'm trying to get at is life is all about perspective.

Who knows what my life will look like two years from now...I'm just excited to find out.

baby dust,

s.